After a couple on months, we resumed our travels with a trip to Underhill on Easter Monday.  Well, what better way to spend Easter Monday than watching Barnet v Mansfield?  Actually, I can think of loads of better ways having endured this tedious battle bereft of any semblance of skill.  Quite definitely the worst game we have seen.  Paul Mc, yes, even worse than the Bolton-Birmingham game a couple of seasons ago. 

Why Barnet?  Well, we've set a rule that we won't miss a club during our travels and this was our last chance to see Barnet this season so we thought we'd better go, given their precarious position.  Actually, we haven't done Bury either and it was also our last available day to see Bury at home.  It was a toss up, and we decided on Barnet as they were two points behind Bury.  So, off to unloved Barnet.  S0d's law, of course, that Barnet went on to win and Bury only drew.

I think we may have stumbled on the football club from Middle Earth.  There are several clues.  Firstly, the name of the stadium: Underhill, decidedly Tolkeinian.  Then there's the setting.  You would hardly know you were near a football stadium when you approach.  You walk down Barnet High Street and you see a big green area to your right.  Tucked away in this apparent meadow is a football ground that seems to apologise for its very existence, a bit like Plainmoor.  The stands are very low, just right for short people and there were many of these in the ground.  The pitch is a sort of rolling lawn, sloping significantly from one end to the other, with several discernible dips and rises.  The team includes Frodo Hessenthaler.  And the crowd is the most eclectic bunch of people we've seen at a game; the sort who might easily collect down at the Prancing Pony.

Our first clue to this was the name of the pub we called at for lunch.  We stopped at the Green Dragon Inn, the first pub you come to on the short journey from the M25 to Barnet. The surrounding towns had a distinct Middle Earthian ring: South Mimms, Potters Bar, Totteridge, Cockfosters. The pub was a clone of the Prancing Pony: wooden floors throughout, log fires, dim lighting, and a barman called Merry.  If only ........ he was actually called Radko.  Anyway, I ordered the deep-fried Bree and only drank one pint to avoid being legolas. 

Enough of this. 

The pub was a good call actually.  For once, we hit lucky on pub lunch.  If ever you go to a game in Gondor Barnet, this place is recommended.  We were joined by some Mansfield dignatories, resplendent in dark blue suits and yellow ties, who we later saw in the Barnet directors box, such as it is.

We moved onto the ground, stopping for a pint at one of several pubs close to the ground: the Queens Arms.  The service was good and it was a decent pub for a pre-match pint: spacious, airy, several tellies showing the football, and three pool tables.  There was a first for me: a pint of McMullens AK.  Quite possibly my last too; not impressive.

At the ground, we were met by the admirable members of KBA (Keep Barnet Alive) who were staging a protest at the local council's lack of support for the club and, in particular, plans for a new ground at (honestly) Lower Underhill.  I'm a sucker for these lower clubs, and the efforts of those who support them, so I bought a KBA t-shirt for eight quid.

Barnet do not sell tickets for matches.  Most of the ground is terracing so we queued to get into the 800-seat Main Stand.  When we got to the turnstile, we were told there were only "restricted views" left.  On interrogation, the turnstile operator said this meant being behind a post, so we settled for a seat in the Family Stand.  We were soon to wish we hadn’t.  It's tucked in the lowest corner of the ground, with several pillars (otherwise known as a "restricted view"), and with unruly kids messing about.  This stand is situated between the Main Stand, Directors Box and the Hospitality Suite with movement between them fairly unrestricted.  Added to this, the players emerge from a gap in the Main Stand and there's a section for the disabled.  At half time and at the end, there was the unusual site of kids, players, directors, dignitaries, stewards, and the eclectic mixture of fans all mingling and chatting.  As ever with such clubs, it's nice to see the friendly interaction between players and fans.

This is not a great ground, probably the worst to date, although we've not been to Belle Vue or the Withdean.  If you ever go, my advice is to stand up on the side opposite the Main Stand.  The atmosphere over there was good and the Barnet fans certainly game their team good vocal support.

The game started lively enough and Barnet took an early lead through Liam Hatch, a gangling, pigeon-toed, front man who was a handful for Mansfield all game.  After this, the game degenerated into a tedious mess.  It seems every defender was told to hoof it into the air as soon as they got it.  There were seemingly never-ending bouts of head tennis, resulting in several clashes of heads and trainers repeatedly on the pitch.  As the ball was bouncing about so much, the players' control was found wanting with no-one other than Hatch seemingly able to control the ball first time.  Barnet created many tetchy moments with tough tackling, particularly from Hessenthaler and the feisty pair of Bailey and Fuller. 

It was a relief when half time finally came after three minutes of added time.  This was not before the first appearance of an odd looking character with a pot belly, wearing National Health Service specs, a bandana and a very tight Barnet shirt.  He was plodding along pushing a supermarket trolley full of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous bric-a-brac, eventually entering the hospitality suite.  At half time, he came back in the opposite direction.  In the second half, he returned again, walking to take up a seat in the stand at the one end and then came back again about ten minutes before the end.  On reading the programme tonight, I noticed that this person appeared in two pictures in the programme.  Apparently, this person is John "Village" Adams, Barnet's Overseas Liaison Officer.  Richard/Tom: do you have such roles at your clubs and, if so, what so they do?   And what do they need a supermarket trolley for?

Another character was a rather buxom lady of about 40 years who first appeared, halfheartedly, selling lucky number tickets.  Her selling technique was based purely on the 'getting them out for the boys' strategy.  When she came past, which she did on numerous occasions for no apparent purpose, it cause a major distraction to viewing the game.  At one point, she commanded the undivided attention of the Barnet subs, Vernazza and Batt,  who were supposedly warming up but were clearly distracted, resulting in Vernazza almost copping a clearance on the back of the head.

Then there was a simpleton type chap who was animatedly following his beloved Barnet, threatening Mansfield players and fans continually and running to the front, shouting "off off off" every time a foul was given for his team.

And so on.  This club has a very motley set of fans but you do tend to find this with lower division clubs.  Half of the fans seem to be on day release from various institutions.

The second half came and the (very poor) referee, the inappropriately named Mr Wright, took a hand.  By the way, did anyone else note that a recent game had officials called Pike, Mackerel and Pollock? 

As I have said, Barnet's challenges were often 'over exuberant' and the nasty Fuller went in two-footed and very late on young Mansfield midfielder, Giles Coke.  Coke responded by turning and squaring up to Fuller, no more than that.  The result?  A yellow card for Fuller and a second yellow for the unfortunate Coke.  Mansfield manager Peter Shirtliff responded with a double substitution, including the arrival of forward Danny Reet, a man with a not inconsiderable @rse.  No problem here with banjo target practice.  He lasted ten minutes, going in with a similar challenge to Fuller's but getting a straight red.  Curiously, this spurred on Mansfield who were the better team for the remaining 20 minutes, despite having nine men, but didn't force a save out of the Barnet keeper.  My man Richie Barker should have buried a header in the closing stages.  Five more excruciating minutes were added for the frequent  visits of the trainers, there was another lengthy stop of an injury, and the referee finally put us out of our misery just before 5 o'clock.

A dreadful game.  The only saves of note came from last ditch dives at the feet of oncoming forwards.  Neither side could cope with playing downhill: Mansfield in the first half, Barnet in the second.  Every through ball was overhit, just running out of play or into the keeper's hands.  There were some notable 'old hands' on view.  Barnet not only had Hessenthaler, but also Tom's old mate Worrust (Paul Warhurst), looking fit and showing the odd classy touch.  Mansfield had Kevin Pressman, still making major contributions to Pukka's profits.

A couple of times during the second half, I thought I'd heard a loud cough from somewhere.  I commented on this to Janet but she'd not heard anything.  Towards the end of the game, this happened very clearly and loudly and we realised the announcer, who was hopeless by the way but I won't go into that, had left his mike on and he was treating the crowd to the sounds of him clearing his throat.

Despite all this, I have to confess that Barnet was better than I thought it would be and their admirable fans deserve every support to keep a decent club in the town.  Ultimately, all football fans are in it together - we simply want to follow our teams whoever they are.  It was encouraging to see so many young supporters and this wasn't just because we were in the Family Stand.  After the game, several hundred KBA members set off on a protest march to the council offices.

I just hope it's a better game when I next go.

Total Ground Number: 51
Current League Ground Number: 47